Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.