Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Going bananas on X:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Breaking via TikTok:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Making waves on Slack:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Just landed via Telegram:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Making waves on Instagram:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Trending via Facebook:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Lesson learned: Always pre-check before the wreck! 🕵️‍♂️💥🚗😅 #Oops"

accident, after, humor, i, irony, mishap, myself, self-check, self-deprecation, self-destruction, unfortunately

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

0

2 months ago

am, biweekly, biweekly pay, cooking, DIY, financial, financial struggle, food, humor, i, paper, paper towel, pay, quesadilla, second, struggle, today, towel, week
I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, conversation, flowers, going, humor, nature, need, speak
Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

0

2 months ago

another, conclusion, discussion, end, everything, humor, irony, meeting, meetings, needs, office, procrastination, work
I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

0

2 months ago

9pm, activity, after, age, anything, bedtime, evening, fun, humor, i, laziness, night, want, where
“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

0

2 months ago

absence, humor, joke, leave, office, others, prepare, PTO, workplace
Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoying, annoying person, awkwardness, bluesky, broken, broken elevator, discomfort, elevator, feels, funny situation, humor, miracle, most, people, person, situation, social, social awkwardness, stick, take, together, where, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

74 shares on YouTube this month:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

69 shares on Discord this month:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Breaking via Discord:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Shared recently on Twitch:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Just landed via Reddit:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Going viral on Telegram:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Just landed via Slack:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨