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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has copied:

You wish you had this many chins.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has shared:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has downloaded:

Airports are so funny. Like, β€œOh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has shared:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has copied:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has shared:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has viewed:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on X:

Can we change the phrase β€œCan I be frank with you” to β€œCan I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Going viral on Discord:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Making waves on Slack:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Going bananas on Threads:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Just landed via Instagram:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Just shared via Threads:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Shared recently on Slack:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Playful quote about festive chaos, celebrating over-the-top holiday decor with humor and cheer.
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Commentary:
"Who needs minimalist when you can have maximalist joy puking all over your living room? πŸŽ„βœ¨ Deck the halls with flashy ornaments and tinsel galore – 'tis the season to embrace the festive chaos! πŸŽ…πŸ€ͺ #JoyfulOverload"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Discord this month:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

Tested positive for being single af

66 shares on YouTube this month:

God, please β€” if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

100 shares on X this month:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

Websites need to realize that no one ever, ever wants the site to be able to send them notifications.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has copied:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡­ has shared:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has viewed:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has shared:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Just shared via Discord:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Seen just now on TikTok:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Going viral on Twitch:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Just shared via TikTok:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Making waves on Instagram:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’tβ€”that’s what happened.

Just landed via TikTok:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

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