Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

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Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

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I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

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The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

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Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

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Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

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I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

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A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

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Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

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The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

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We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.