Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.