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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Trending via Threads:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Going viral on Telegram:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

2 months ago

0

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎄🍔🍟 "Don't blame the holidays for that extra serving of pie – you were already rocking that 'summer bod' in August! Maybe your beach towel needed a little more loving than your salad bowl 🤷‍♂️🤣 #HolidayFeastFail"

August, blame, diet, fitness, holiday, humor, overweight, self-reflection

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

0

2 months ago

affection, doctor, figure, hold, hospital, humor, kiss, kisses, let, love, me, never, overnight, overnight stay, romance, stay, still, sweet, sweet kiss, want, why
Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

0

2 months ago

activity, computer, dating, fine, humor, irony, relationship, technology
Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

0

2 months ago

activity, ball, ball pit, creativity, fun, giant, IKEA, meeting, pit, place, work, work meeting, workplace
Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

0

2 months ago

disappointment, example, failure, guide, humor, humor quote, irony, let, motivation, sarcasm, success
If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

0

2 months ago

adventure, asked, curiosity, curiosity-driven, decision, exploration, fantasy, front, humor, ID, me, portal, questions
The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

0

2 months ago

4-way, 4-way stop, awkwardness, driving, driving humor, everyone, humor, impatience, rage, road, road rage, same, sexual, sexual tension, social, social awkwardness, stop, tension, time, traffic

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WeChat this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

37 shares on Discord this month:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

32 shares on Threads this month:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

37 shares on X this month:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,349

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Breaking via YouTube:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Spotted on WeChat:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Spotted on Slack:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Seen just now on Discord:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Spotted on Instagram:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴