Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.
  • I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.
  • “Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.
  • If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?
  • You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.
  • My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.