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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,263

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Going viral on Slack:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Just landed via WeChat:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Making waves on Facebook:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Trending via LinkedIn:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal optimist in the family – the delusional daughter who's banking on that lottery win to swoop in and save the day! 🤑💫 Who needs a financial plan when you've got pure ambition and a lucky streak, right? 🍀 Here's hoping those lottery numbers align soon, or we might just have to adopt a backup plan! 😉🎱"

ambition, ambitious, daughter, day, delusional, every, family, humor, lottery, needs, struggles, winning

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

21 shares on Threads this month:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

65 shares on YouTube this month:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,558

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Adding lol to things is good feng shui.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Just landed via WeChat:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Making waves on Threads:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Seen just now on Discord:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Just shared via Messenger:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Trending via Messenger:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

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