Commentary:
When I saw the price of takeout, I suddenly remembered that dusty can of beans has a Michelin star 🌟🍽️🍛
462 Funny family quotes
People act like a gay son is a dead end in the family tree, as if the whole point of trees isn’t to bear fruit.
Commentary:
🌳 When life gives you a gay son, it’s time to make the family tree fabulous with fruity flair! 🍎🌈
When my mom behaves, I reward her with information about my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like she's really working hard for those secret updates! 🤣🤫📞
The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”
Commentary:
Finally getting the "I told you so" badge—life's ultimate achievement unlocked! 🏆🎉😄
(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.
Commentary:
You're basically my time-traveling mini-me! 👶🕰️😂
You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.
Commentary:
Blonder-than-blonde kids must know where all the good sprinkles are! 🍦👱♂️✨
I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.
Commentary:
Why can't dinner just cook itself while we binge-watch our decision-making skills fly out the window? 🍕🤔🍿
Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.
Commentary:
Math homework and carpooling: unlocking the true potential of 'me time' 😂🔢🚗
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.
Commentary:
When you realize laundry is actually an endlessly repeating cycle of betrayal 😂🧺🌀
My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.
Commentary:
Parenting: the ultimate extrovert marathon for introverts 🚶♂️😅🏃♂️🎉