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34 Funny check quotes

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

1 month ago

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

1 month ago

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

1 month ago

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

3 months ago

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

3 months ago

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

3 months ago

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

3 months ago

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

3 months ago

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

3 months ago

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

3 months ago

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

3 months ago

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

3 months ago

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

3 months ago

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

3 months ago

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

3 months ago

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

3 months ago

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

3 months ago

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

3 months ago

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

3 months ago

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

3 months ago

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

3 months ago

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

3 months ago

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

3 months ago

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

3 months ago

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

3 months ago

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

3 months ago

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

3 months ago

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

3 months ago