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10,000+ funny quotes

198 Funny going quotes

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

3 months ago

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

3 months ago

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

3 months ago

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

3 months ago

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

3 months ago

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

3 months ago

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

3 months ago

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

3 months ago

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

3 months ago

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

3 months ago

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

3 months ago

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

3 months ago

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

3 months ago

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

3 months ago

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

3 months ago

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

3 months ago

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

3 months ago

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

3 months ago

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

3 months ago

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

3 months ago