Commentary:
Looks like I'm going pro at soloing the 'networking dance'—just me, myself, and Wi-Fi! 🤹♂️📡😅
400 Funny going quotes
Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.
Commentary:
Why ride the emotional rollercoaster when you can take a horse to Heartbreak Hotel? 🐴💔
Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.
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When you're surrounded by word vomit and forgot your umbrella! 🤦♂️🤷♀️💬💩
Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.
Commentary:
Oh sure, my wallet needs more punishment for running out of cash! 😂💸
I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.
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That feeling when your sleep schedule thinks it's immune to logic 🤪🛌💤
It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?
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Beep beep! Who's out there? Are they on a secret mission to find 24-hour donuts? 🍩🚗💤
Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.
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Why do battles always happen at bedtime? 🛌💥🧠🤯
When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.
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In your 20s, the real family drama is deciding whether it's Tony Soprano or laundry day that gets your attention first 📺🧺 #Priorities
Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.
Commentary:
When the pre-party snacks turn into your main event 🥳🎉🍕#EarlyBirdSpecial
My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.
Commentary:
Getting ready to stuff myself with turkey and lots of "Joe Briden" debates 🍗😂🦃