Funny quotes today Page 3

159 Funny today quotes

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

3 months ago

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

3 months ago

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

3 months ago

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

3 months ago

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

3 months ago

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

3 months ago

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

3 months ago

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

3 months ago

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

3 months ago

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

3 months ago

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

3 months ago

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

3 months ago

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

3 months ago

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

3 months ago

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

3 months ago

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

3 months ago

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

3 months ago

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

3 months ago

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

3 months ago

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

3 months ago