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173 Funny today quotes

More funny today quotes 👇

  • Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the golden rule of self-absorption!🌟 Remember, it’s your world, we’re all just living in it.💁‍♂️🌎 #MeMeMe”

  • The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

    Commentary:
    “Today’s workout plan: Didly squats only! 💪🤣 #FitnessGoals”

  • Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

    Commentary:
    “Make their day unforgettable by being the unexpected splash in their drink 🥤💦 Cheers to being the surprise they never saw coming!”

  • Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

    Commentary:
    “Today‘s motto: Be as bold and fearless as a 4-year old rocking a Batman cape! 💪🦇 Just remember, confidence is key… and maybe a cape too! 😄 #UnleashYourInnerSuperhero”

  • Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

    Commentary:
    “Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was. 🤔🍴 ‘Is this a restaurant or a customer service training center?’ 😂👩‍🍳 #ServiceSoGoodItWasActuallyConfusing”

  • I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

    Commentary:
    “Missing the gym for 7 years straight? Looks like you’ve unintentionally mastered the art of gym avoidance! 😅 Who needs weights when you’ve got such strong forgetfulness muscles? 💪🤷‍♂️”

  • I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

    Commentary:
    Oh no, sounds like a “cracking” experience! 📱💔😂 Who knew a phone drop could rival childbirth in pain level? Maybe it’s time to invest in a sturdy case or some bubble wrap for that device! 😉

  • My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like things really took a *tumble* in your household! 🙀💬 Let’s just hope your gasp wasn’t mistaken for a victory cheer! 🤣🏆 #MarriageMishaps”

  • Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

    Commentary:
    Well, it seems like someone is taking charge and embracing their role as the chief executive officer of bad decisions today! It takes initiative to ensure that those regrettable choices are made promptly and efficiently. Just remember to review your decision-making performance during the next quarterly self-reflection meeting!

  • I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

    Commentary:
    “Being lazy is an art form, and today you’re a superhero of procrastination! Just remember, with great laziness comes great responsibility… to nap frequently.”

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