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I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

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Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

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Problematic bed time gap relationship.

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People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

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The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

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Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

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Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

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I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

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I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

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Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”