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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,275

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Live now on Threads:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Trending via Telegram:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Spotted on Reddit:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

Breaking via Discord:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Trending via Facebook:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the turtles weren't fans of a 'shellac' treatment! 🐢💅 Maybe stick to your day job next time! 😂 #TurtleWaxingFail"

animal, fired, humor, i, job, trying, turtles, wax, workplace, zoo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

0

2 months ago

bagel, Christian, Dior, diversity, humor, identity, Jewish, mayor, Muslim, religion
If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

0

2 months ago

calory, comedy, dieting, fitness, humor, ID, joke, stress, supermodel, weight
Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

0

2 months ago

advice, dating, humor, lesson, relationship, relationships, scholar
I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

0

2 months ago

believe, disbelief, find it funny, floor, hard, hard to believe, humor, i, laughing, rolling
Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

0

5 months ago

again, born, digital, everything, habit, humor, media, memory, never, phone, procrastination, screenshot, social, social media, technology
Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

0

3 months ago

advice, dirty, humor, likes, metaphor, never, pig, wrestle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on WeChat this month:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

72 shares on Threads this month:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Making waves on Twitch:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Going viral on Slack:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Shared recently on Slack:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Spotted on Threads:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨