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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,768

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Going bananas on Messenger:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

Going bananas on X:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the turtles weren't fans of a 'shellac' treatment! 🐢💅 Maybe stick to your day job next time! 😂 #TurtleWaxingFail"

animal, fired, humor, i, job, trying, turtles, wax, workplace, zoo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

1 month ago
accusation, exaggeration, humor, me, million, people, ten, today
Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

1 month ago
crash, fail, feel, half, hope, humor, i, incompetence, job, live, next, once, perspective, planet, remember, software, software update, someone, tech, tech fail, time, update, workplace
I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

1 month ago
adventure, enter, forest, humor, i, nature, next, secret, told, trees, warning
When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

1 month ago
age, Boomers, brain, brain damage, children, Covid, damage, damaged, explain, fate, lead, much, old, old age, opinions
If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

3 weeks ago
dystopia, dystopian, future, hell, housekeeping, humor, living, nightmare, robot, technology, where
I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

1 month ago
boss, dream, extra, hour, hours, humor, i, invoice, joke, last, management, night, overtime, sleep, time, time management, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Trending via Twitch:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Going bananas on X:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Just shared via Instagram:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

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Activity Log ✨

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

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Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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