202 funny animal quotes - Wordgag

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

May 24, 2026

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

May 24, 2026

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

May 24, 2026

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

May 24, 2026

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

May 24, 2026

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

May 24, 2026

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

May 24, 2026

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

May 24, 2026

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

May 24, 2026

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

May 24, 2026

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

May 23, 2026

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

May 23, 2026

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

May 23, 2026

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

May 23, 2026

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

May 23, 2026

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

May 23, 2026

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

May 23, 2026

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

May 23, 2026

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

May 23, 2026

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

May 23, 2026

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

May 23, 2026

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

May 23, 2026

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

May 23, 2026

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

May 22, 2026

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

May 22, 2026

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

May 22, 2026

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

May 22, 2026

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

May 22, 2026

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

May 22, 2026

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

May 22, 2026

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

May 22, 2026

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

May 22, 2026

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

May 22, 2026

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

May 22, 2026

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

May 22, 2026

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

May 22, 2026

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

May 22, 2026

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

May 22, 2026

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

May 22, 2026

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

May 22, 2026