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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Seen just now on Slack:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Trending via Twitch:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Live now on YouTube:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about finding happiness in a distant, caring family far away.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of long-distance love… I mean, family relationships! 🏙️💖 Who needs daily drama when you can have a loving clan just a plane ride away? 🛫😄 It's all about that perfect balance of closeness and distance, am I right?"

caring, city, close-knit, distance, family, happiness, humor, irony, relationships

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Slack this month:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

86 shares on Threads this month:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

58 shares on Reddit this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

78 shares on Slack this month:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

13 shares on Slack this month:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Just shared via Twitch:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Trending via Facebook:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Trending via Facebook:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Breaking via Slack:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Spotted on TikTok:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Shared recently on Slack:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

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