Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Live now on WhatsApp:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Trending via Slack:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Just landed via TikTok:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Broadcasted on Threads:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Trending via Instagram:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

2 months ago

0

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Home is where the heart is… but also where the clothes rack decides to throw a little obstacle course for you! 🏠👖 Who knew a simple piece of furniture could make navigating your own space a fun challenge! 🤣 #HomeSweetObstacleCourse"

clothes, clothes rack, everyday, everyday life, home, humor, life, obstacle, rack, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

0

2 months ago

humor, idiocy, idiot, observation, sarcasm, sky, under, weather, wit
Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

0

5 months ago

activity, alternative, case, court, date, date alternative, dinner, dinner date, forget, fun, fun activity, listening, sit
“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

0

2 months ago

again, comedy, fall, falling, humor, i, irony, procrastination, repetition, sarcasm, say, self-awareness, whatever
When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

0

2 months ago

age, exactly, feel, getting, getting older, humor, i, irony, just, kick, life, older, wisdom
Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

0

2 months ago

being, challenges, crazy, favorite, favorite things, humor, irony, least, profession, services, social, social services, social worker, things, worker
Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

0

2 months ago

back, behavior, call, cat, dog, humor, message, pet, pet behavior, procrastination, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

65 shares on Slack this month:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Shared recently on Reddit:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Going viral on YouTube:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Making waves on X:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Spreading quickly via X:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Just shared via TikTok:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Spreading quickly via X:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴