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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,487

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Trending via X:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Just landed via Messenger:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Spotted on Facebook:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Spotted on Threads:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Just shared via Slack:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Trending via YouTube:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

2 months ago

0

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine trying to pronounce a fish's name and ending up sounding like a gurgling aquarium filter 🐠🗣️. I bet they have the fanciest underwater monikers like Glubbertonix or Finnevere! 🌊😂"

assume, beautiful, beauty, fish, human, humor, i, names, tongues, unpronounceable

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

0

2 months ago

cheese, craving, depressed, depression, enough, food, humor, hunger, world
Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

0

2 months ago

best, best friend, boyfriend, dating, friend, friendship, girl, humor, relationship, secret
I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

0

2 months ago

activity, die, friend, friends, ghost, good, hope, humor, i, people, scare, stay, walk, wall, walls
The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

0

2 months ago

afford, being, carrot, carrot peeler, fantasy, house, humor, millennial, neighborhood, peeler, professional, salary, Sims, walkable, walkable neighborhood
You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

0

2 months ago

ask, blood, deadline, form, humor, me, poetic, poetic verse, relationship, request, romance, Valentine, verse, week
My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

0

2 months ago

animal, home, insect, summer, window

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

72 shares on X this month:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

80 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Going viral on X:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Just shared via Discord:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Going viral on Slack:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

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