26 funny fish quotes - Wordgag

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

May 29, 2026

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

May 29, 2026

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

May 28, 2026

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

May 27, 2026

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

May 27, 2026

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

May 27, 2026

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

May 26, 2026

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

May 25, 2026

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

May 25, 2026

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

May 25, 2026

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

May 23, 2026

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

May 23, 2026

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

May 23, 2026

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

May 23, 2026

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

May 23, 2026

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

May 23, 2026

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

May 22, 2026

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

May 22, 2026

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

May 22, 2026

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

May 22, 2026

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

May 20, 2026

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

May 20, 2026

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

May 20, 2026

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

May 20, 2026

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

May 20, 2026

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

May 19, 2026