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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Just shared via Discord:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Making waves on Slack:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Going viral on Telegram:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Seen just now on Threads:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

2 months ago

0

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤥 "I could never journal, I'd start lying in there too." 📝 Well, honesty is overrated anyway, right? Who needs the truth when you can have a good story? Maybe that's how fiction writers are born! 😉

honesty, humor, i, ID, journal, lying, never, self-reflection, start, too, truth, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

0

2 months ago

Android, iPhone, loyalty, person, stubborn, switch, technology
I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

0

2 months ago

ask, diet, eat, food, humor, i, irony, misunderstanding, sugar, understand
I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

0

2 months ago

break, effort, get up, humor, i, lazy, scissor, tag, tooth, trying
90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

0

3 weeks ago

90, debugging, humor, just, motion, own, programming, realization, slow, slow motion, stupidity
Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

0

2 months ago

communication, concern, email, emails, humor, sarcasm, today, work
My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

0

2 months ago

eyes, flash, food, humor, just, life, pizza, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

67 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

15 shares on X this month:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

20 shares on Slack this month:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,717

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Going viral on Facebook:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Making waves on Slack:

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Making waves on TikTok:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Just landed via Messenger:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Making waves on Telegram:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

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