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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Just shared via Instagram:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Shared recently on Slack:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Shared recently on X:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Live now on WeChat:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Spotted on X:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Making waves on WeChat:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Making waves on Discord:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Making waves on TikTok:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Algorithm has spoken! Updating brain.exe now 😂🔄🧠

algorithm, excuse, forget, humor, i, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

0

2 months ago

app, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, dating, dating app, funny idea, humor, idea, interests, match, matchmaker, online, online dating, people, relationship, theory
Give us this day our daily internet validation.

0

2 months ago

daily, day, give, humor, internet, life, media, modern, modern life, prayer, social, social media, us, validation
When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

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5 months ago

friend, friends, homeless, homelessness, housewarming, housewarming party, humor, i, igloo, joke, me, moved, moving, new, party, surprise, surprise party
The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

0

2 months ago

after, attitude, bathroom, concern, confidence, drops, embarrassment, even, humor, lion, masculinity, pee, shake, shower, small, sure, urinal
I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

0

2 months ago

answer, email, emails, frustration, humor, i, outer, planet, rock, space, spinning, work
I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

0

2 months ago

ass, compliment, day, hope, humor, i, nice, positivity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

66 shares on YouTube this month:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

27 shares on Slack this month:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

45 shares on Twitch this month:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

19 shares on Slack this month:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Trending via Discord:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Going viral on Threads:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Shared recently on Slack:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Trending via Threads:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Just landed via Threads:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Seen just now on X:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Trending via Discord:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨