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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log âœĻ

Someone from ðŸ‡ĩ🇞 has downloaded:

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

Someone from ðŸ‡ē🇞 has viewed:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇷ðŸ‡ī has bookmarked:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Someone from ðŸ‡ēðŸ‡ū has copied:

Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Someone from ðŸ‡đðŸ‡đ has copied:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Someone from ðŸ‡ģðŸ‡ī has bookmarked:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from ðŸ‡ŋðŸ‡Ķ has shared:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Someone from ðŸ‡ē🇷 has shared:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from ðŸ‡Ļ🇚 has copied:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from ðŸ‡ģðŸ‡Ķ has bookmarked:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Funny Quotes Data ðŸĪ“

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

36 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log ðŸ’Ŧ

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Just shared via Telegram:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Spotted on WeChat:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Live now on Discord:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Spotted on Twitch:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Freshly posted on X:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Home Âŧ Funny Excuse Quotes

67 Funny excuse quotes

Funny excuse quotes ðŸĪŠ are the perfect way to add a dash of humor 😂 to any situation. Whether you’re late because your pet staged a coup ðŸķ or you missed a call due to a ninja attack ðŸĨ·, these creative gems turn everyday mishaps into comedy gold. Dive into a world where every excuse is a punchline and laughter is the best response 😂. Get ready to chuckle and maybe find your next great alibi! 😉

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For even more funny excuse quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny excuse quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌ïļ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂ðŸ’Ĩ

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data ðŸĪ“

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

36 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log âœĻ

Someone from 🇧ðŸ‡Ķ has bookmarked:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Someone from ðŸ‡ŋ🇞 has shared:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Someone from ðŸ‡đðŸ‡Ŋ has viewed:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from ðŸ‡īðŸ‡ē has viewed:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Someone from 🇎ðŸ‡ē has shared:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Someone from 🇰ðŸ‡Ū has shared:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Someone from 🇊🇎 has viewed:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from ðŸ‡ĩðŸ‡Ķ has copied:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Someone from ðŸ‡Ļ🇭 has bookmarked:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Someone from ðŸ‡ģ🇎 has bookmarked:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Social Media Log ðŸ’Ŧ

Spotted on Pinterest:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Spotted on Twitch:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Just shared via TikTok:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Reported on Threads:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Reported on Pinterest:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Spotted on Twitch:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

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ÂĐ 2025. All fights retarded. ðŸĪŠ

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