Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,610

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Freshly posted on X:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Making waves on TikTok:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Just shared via WeChat:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I totally agree! Overhead lights make me feel like I'm being interrogated by the sun! 🌞🔍 Let's stick to cozy lamp vibes. 🕯️😌

better, forebear, hate, hearth, holy, holy sun, humor, i, lamp, lighting, mimic, much, overhead, overhead lighting, should, sin, sun, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

0

2 months ago

everyday, everyday life, frustration, humor, life, password, technology, TV, typing
If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, me, pale, reply, response, shocked, someone, surprise
Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, avoiding, funny observation, hobby, human, human interaction, i, interaction, introversion, life, observation, real, social, social life, sometimes, worry
Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

0

2 months ago

everyone, good, humor, i, job, let, morning, promise, today, working
Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

0

2 months ago

addiction, drink, event, gathering, humor, i, intervention, me, place, reasons, self-awareness, social, social event
I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, bring, car, date, dinner, family, food, humor, i, meet, plate, relationship, situation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

85 shares on X this month:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

40 shares on Discord this month:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Trending via Snapchat:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Just shared via Slack:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Spotted on YouTube:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Just shared via YouTube:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨