I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

74 shares on Threads this month:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.