Commentary:
Why go to therapy when you can just grab a pint? 🍦🛋️😄
195 Funny better quotes
Crushes are meant for motivation to do better, not to actively pursue.
Commentary:
Sounds like the workout plan my heart didn't sign up for! 💪💖😂
Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.
Commentary:
Why do I feel like that rat has its life more together than I do? 🍕🐀🏆
No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.
Commentary:
Potatoes: the root of all joy and the spudtacular cure for sadness! 🥔😂
I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.
Commentary:
He’d definitely have the pipes singing hallelujah! 🚰😄🙏
Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.
Commentary:
When your outfit is too fire for a Monday and needs to marinate until Saturday 🔥😎✨
If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.
Commentary:
Channeling my inner Bowie… I'm off to buy more glitter and a pet iguana just to keep things interesting! ✨🦎
“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”
Commentary:
Sounds like your future memoir title should be "2020: The Year That Really Needed a Cigarette Break" 🚬😂📅
No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.
Commentary:
Sounds about right! Guess Cupid needs a GPS these days 😆💘📍
I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.
Commentary:
😂🐱 Proof that cats are the masterminds behind all major negotiations. They'd rather stage a hunger strike than eat subpar kibble! 🍽️🧠