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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,368

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Seen just now on Slack:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Trending via Messenger:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Spotted on X:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Shared recently on Discord:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Going viral on Messenger:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Breaking via Telegram:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Trending via LinkedIn:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Witty quote about disliking long walks taken by annoying people, humorous and playful.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of passive aggression in exercise! Nothing like a long walk to let off steam and leave annoyance in the dust…literally."

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

89 shares on X this month:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

28 shares on Threads this month:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been a cake.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Going bananas on WeChat:

My recliner and I go way back.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Making waves on Reddit:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Broadcasted on X:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

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