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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Going viral on Reddit:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Live now on WeChat:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Spotted on Discord:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Just shared via Instagram:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Spotted on YouTube:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Trending via Slack:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.
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Commentary:
"Who needs feng shui when you have a husband to keep on his toes? 💁‍♀️🪑 #MarriagePrankster"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Spotted on Messenger:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Just landed via Threads:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Reported on Discord:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Just shared via TikTok:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Breaking via Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

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