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Commentary:
Oh dear, did my telepathic carrier pigeon get lost en route to your brain? 🧐🕊️ Don't worry, I've upgraded to sending messages via psychic owls now. 🦉 Hopefully, they'll reach you in time for our next séance! 🔮😄

communication, frustration, humor, i, mad, me, message, relationship, response, telepathy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

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3 weeks ago

again, back, break, comeback, figure, health, humor, ID, irony, media, mental, mental health, ruin, self-deprecation, social, social media, Twitter
Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

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2 months ago

breathing, humor, interrupt, joke, rest, sleep, threat
The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

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2 months ago

belief, earther, fear, flat, flat earth, Flat Earther, humor, irony, joke, only, pun, science, sphere, thing
Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

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2 months ago

am, drama, fire, humor, i, irony, myself, nonchalant, self, set, unfortunately
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

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2 months ago

again, confidence, doing, glimpse, guess, humor, i, mirror, morning, myself, personality, self-image, today, work
Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

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2 months ago

activity, age, forget, fun, fun activity, hangover, humor, Netflix, tequila, wake, wake up, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on X this month:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

56 shares on Threads this month:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Making waves on Threads:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Going viral on Facebook:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Making waves on Threads:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Just shared via Telegram:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Going viral on X:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Seen just now on Slack:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨