55 Funny response quotes

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  1 day ago

  View →: Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.
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  1 month ago

  View →: I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.
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  3 months ago

  View →: “Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!
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  4 months ago

  View →: In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”
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  4 months ago

  View →: You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Them: Good morning! Me: Where?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’
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  5 months ago

  View →: Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”
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  5 months ago

  View →: So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

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