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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Going viral on Messenger:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Just landed via Messenger:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Spotted on Telegram:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

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I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.
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Commentary:
Oh, the sound of silence amplified by flip flops – the ultimate paradox for ninjas! 🤫👣 Imagine a stealthy assassin trying to sneak up on you with the rhythmic clack-clack-clack of flip flops. 🙊👡 Maybe they're training for the "Ninja Summer Edition"! 🔥😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Threads this month:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

44 shares on X this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,238

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Making waves on Twitch:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Seen just now on Instagram:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

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