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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

836 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,998

Funny Quotes Topics

13,940

Funny Quotes Images

10,998

2 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Shared recently on Discord:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Trending via Messenger:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Live now on Twitch:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Trending via Reddit:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Spotted on Discord:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

6 months ago

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the pitter-patter of a centipede in stylish flip flops would rival even the tap-dancing greats! 🦶🥿 Just picture them strutting their stuff with all those legs… the rhythm would be endless! 💃🕺 One can only wonder if they'd be doing the Cha-Cha Slide or the Electric Slide with such fancy footwear. 🎶🎵 Laughter is the best music to accompany this quirky mental image! 😄

centipede, flip, flip flop, flop, footwear, humor, imagination, imagine, sound, tiny

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

836 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,998

Funny Quotes Topics

13,940

Funny Quotes Images

10,998

2 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Trending via YouTube:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Spotted on WeChat:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Making waves on Telegram:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Going viral on Telegram:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Spotted on Twitch:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

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