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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,756

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Shared recently on X:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Making waves on Messenger:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Spotted on X:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Trending via Telegram:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Going viral on YouTube:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Making waves on Instagram:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about ambition and humor, featuring playful self-deprecating humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, they say half the battle is admitting it, so you're off to a good start! Just remember, being "crazy rich" might sound like a wild ride, but don't forget to pack your sanity along for the journey. Who knows, maybe you'll end up with a fortune cookie that says, "Insanity is the key to riches… and also, don't forget to tip your waiter."

ambition, crazy, halfway, humor, rich, self-awareness, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Threads this month:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Trending via Instagram:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Just landed via Discord:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Trending via YouTube:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Just landed via WeChat:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

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