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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

430 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,699

Funny Quotes Topics

17,717

Funny Quotes Images

15,699

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Freshly posted on X:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Going bananas on TikTok:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Just landed via X:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Going viral on Twitch:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Making waves on WeChat:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Going viral on Slack:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.
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Commentary:
Well, they say half the battle is admitting it, so you're off to a good start! Just remember, being "crazy rich" might sound like a wild ride, but don't forget to pack your sanity along for the journey. Who knows, maybe you'll end up with a fortune cookie that says, "Insanity is the key to riches… and also, don't forget to tip your waiter."

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Slack this month:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

430 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,699

Funny Quotes Topics

17,717

Funny Quotes Images

15,699

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Going bananas on Discord:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Going bananas on Telegram:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Spotted on Threads:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Making waves on Twitch:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Just landed via WeChat:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

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