Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Trending via Facebook:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Live now on Telegram:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Shared recently on X:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Live now on Instagram:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Trending via Twitch:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the scrub-a-dub hit list is the real Billboard chart! 🎶🧽🍽️

album, casual, casual conversation, chores, conversation, cooking, dishes, dishwashing, fire, humor, i, music, wash

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

2 months ago

annoyance, around, conversation, etiquette, everyone, hate, noise, people, public, speakerphone, talk
I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

2 months ago

feelings, flirtation, guess, humor, i, love, mystery, relationship
I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

2 months ago

alien, aliens, apocalypse, bet, destroy, ever, extraterrestrial, gathering, humor, i, information, information gathering, just, self-destruction, speculation, think, us, waiting, well
I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

2 months ago

aviation, car, driving, flying, going, humor, i, joke, moment, panic, pilot, whenever
Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

2 months ago

cat, cool, humor, i, intrusion, just, leave, life, never, pet, relationship, stray, stray cat
I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

6 months ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, drinking, drunk, getting, humor, i, just, me, self-reflection

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

10 shares on Slack this month:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to have a great future in my past.

24 shares on X this month:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

12 shares on Threads this month:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Just landed via Slack:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Making waves on Facebook:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨