158 funny cooking quotes - Wordgag

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

May 30, 2026

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

May 30, 2026

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

May 30, 2026

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

May 30, 2026

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

May 30, 2026

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

May 30, 2026

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

May 30, 2026

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

May 30, 2026

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

May 30, 2026

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

May 30, 2026

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

May 29, 2026

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

May 29, 2026

I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.

May 29, 2026

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

May 29, 2026

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

May 29, 2026

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

May 29, 2026

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

May 29, 2026

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

May 29, 2026

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

May 29, 2026

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

May 29, 2026

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

May 29, 2026

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

May 29, 2026

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

May 29, 2026

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

May 29, 2026

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

May 28, 2026

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

May 28, 2026

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

May 28, 2026

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

May 28, 2026

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

May 28, 2026

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

May 28, 2026

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

May 28, 2026

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

May 28, 2026

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

May 28, 2026

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

May 28, 2026

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

May 28, 2026

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

May 28, 2026

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

May 27, 2026

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

May 27, 2026

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

May 27, 2026

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

May 27, 2026