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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has copied:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has shared:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has shared:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has copied:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has downloaded:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has viewed:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via WeChat:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Just shared via WeChat:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Going bananas on Threads:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Just landed via Reddit:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Breaking via Snapchat:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Just shared via Messenger:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Making waves on Discord:

Old people be like, β€œNo elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Playful quote about kitchen maturity and choosing a favorite spatula, with humorous flair.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"🍳 Don't be a flip-flopper when it comes to spatulas! It's time to whisk up some maturity and get yourself a favorite one! πŸ₯„ After all, a good spatula will always stick by your side, just like a loyal pancake waiting to be flipped."

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Plants are like β€œI’ll have a light lunch.”

79 shares on Threads this month:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

85 shares on X this month:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a β€œturn off”

64 shares on Discord this month:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

26 shares on X this month:

This sex could have been an email.

57 shares on Discord this month:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I ever say β€œwith all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Gen Z will be like β€œOMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has copied:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has viewed:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is β€˜migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has downloaded:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has viewed:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has copied:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has shared:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Reddit:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Just shared via Snapchat:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Just shared via TikTok:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Making waves on Threads:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Broadcasted on X:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

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