If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

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“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

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Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

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Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

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I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

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Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

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There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

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I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.