112 funny sex quotes - Wordgag

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

May 30, 2026

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

May 30, 2026

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

May 30, 2026

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

May 30, 2026

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

May 30, 2026

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

May 30, 2026

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

May 30, 2026

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

May 29, 2026

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

May 29, 2026

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.

May 29, 2026

This email could’ve been sex.

May 29, 2026

This sex could have been an email.

May 29, 2026

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

May 29, 2026

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

May 29, 2026

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

May 29, 2026

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

May 29, 2026

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

May 29, 2026

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

May 29, 2026

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

May 29, 2026

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

May 29, 2026

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

May 29, 2026

All I think about is death and sex.

May 29, 2026

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

May 29, 2026

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

May 29, 2026

I remember sex. That was cool.

May 29, 2026

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

May 29, 2026

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

May 28, 2026

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

May 28, 2026

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

May 28, 2026

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

May 28, 2026

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

May 28, 2026

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

May 28, 2026

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

May 28, 2026

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

May 28, 2026

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

May 28, 2026

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

May 28, 2026

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

May 27, 2026

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

May 27, 2026

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

May 27, 2026

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

May 27, 2026