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Commentary:
"Remember, as much as it's important to keep an open mind, be sure to hold onto your brains too. We wouldn't want them rolling away now, would we?"

brains, fall, fall out, humor, irony, open-minded, perspective, too, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

2 months ago

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December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

3 weeks ago

beard, belief, Christmas, claus, December, everything, fat, fat man, fix, holiday, man, me, Santa, Santa Claus, someone
I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

2 months ago

diet, food, frustration, health, humor, loss, lost, patience, strict, week, weight, weight loss
Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

4 months ago

coping, coping mechanism, cry, emotional, emotional release, fast, fast food, food, humor, just, lot, mechanism, needs, parking, parking lot, release, therapy
Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

2 months ago

cheesecake, cry, lose, Marlboros, men, smoke, strawberry, used, vape
I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

2 months ago

activity, age, else, here, humor, i, life, multitasking, sh, think, thinking, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

59 shares on X this month:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

58 shares on Instagram this month:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Going viral on Reddit:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Spotted on Slack:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Seen just now on Threads:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Just landed via Slack:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Just shared via Messenger:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨