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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,914

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Spotted on Instagram:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Breaking via Discord:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Breaking via Instagram:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

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I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.
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Commentary:
"I'm like a top-tier podcast host – except my attention span is shorter than a goldfish's 🐠 If you can't hold my interest, I'll be mentally redecorating my living room by the time you finish your sentence. 😅 #GoodListener #ButOnlyForTheFascinating"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Facebook this month:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

94 shares on Threads this month:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t study, get slutty!

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,004

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Trending via Snapchat:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Seen just now on X:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Making waves on Slack:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Making waves on Threads:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Just shared via Threads:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Going viral on Slack:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

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