Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Apparently, the threat of losing access to Twitter is as serious as starting a family for some 🤣 Maybe they should just stick to tweeting and leave procreation out of it! 🐦🚫👶"

alternate, app, family, join, start, taken, taken down, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

3 months ago

annoying, annoying person, applicants, filled, humor, life, need, people, person, positions, thank, thank you
The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

5 months ago

b, humor, letter, letter b, pun, spelling, subtle, wordplay
Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

2 months ago

casual, communication, email, follow, follow up, humor, ignored, procrastination, reminder
Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

2 months ago

communication, confusion, even, gap, generation, generation gap, humor, i, idea, kids, language, meaning, means, slang, still, understanding
I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

2 months ago

cooking, drawer, humor, i, kitchen, kitchenware, mishap, open, organization, put, spatula, time
Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

5 months ago

enough, escape, health, humor, i, identity, mental, mental health, need, new, passport, self-improvement, therapy, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

56 shares on Threads this month:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

85 shares on X this month:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Breaking via TikTok:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Live now on Pinterest:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Spotted on Instagram:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Going viral on Reddit:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Just shared via X:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Just shared via Messenger:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨