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New funny quotes: 3381 this month

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Updated: May 21, 2026

 

 

 

 

98 Funny Twitter quotes

Funny Twitter quotes capture the wit and humor of the social media platform’s best moments! 🐦😂 From clever tweets to amusing observations, these quotes highlight the lighter side of online banter. Enjoy a laugh and see why Twitter is such a treasure trove of funny content! 😄💬

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

First in my bloodline to scroll Twitter for hours.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

Posted onMay 6, 2026

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

Posted onMay 6, 2026

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

Posted onMay 6, 2026

Using Twitter means knowing the news a week before everyone else.

Posted onApr 23, 2026Apr 23, 2026

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

Posted onApr 2, 2026

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

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