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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,564

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Just landed via Threads:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Just shared via Telegram:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Seen just now on Discord:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Going viral on Telegram:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, at least now you can blame your questionable fashion choices on being a rebellious teenager stuck in a middle-aged body!"

age, humor, life, life stage, perspective, self-deprecation, stage, teenager

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

0

2 months ago

biting, diet, humor, idiot, idiots, just, sarcasm, tongue
I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

0

2 months ago

activity, diving, documentary, fear, humor, i, learn, learning, music, orchestral, orchestral music, scuba, scuba diving, underwater, want
New term for people with jobs: emploids.

0

1 week ago

employment, humor, job, jobs, new, people, slang, term, work
Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

0

2 months ago

control, disappointed, disappointment, expectation, humor, i, irony, remote, universal, universe
I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

0

2 months ago

act, another, bee, date, give, heart, humor, i, never, relationship, trust, woman
“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

0

3 months ago

confidence, down to earth, Earth, height, humor, just, most, people, personality, short

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

28 shares on Slack this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

35 shares on X this month:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

My love language is deader than Latin.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Going viral on Slack:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Making waves on Slack:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Trending via Discord:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Going viral on X:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨