397 funny age quotes - Wordgag

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

May 19, 2026

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

May 19, 2026

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

May 19, 2026

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

May 18, 2026

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

May 18, 2026

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

May 18, 2026

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

May 18, 2026

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

May 18, 2026

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

May 18, 2026

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

May 18, 2026

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

May 18, 2026

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

May 18, 2026

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

May 18, 2026

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

May 18, 2026

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

May 18, 2026

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

May 18, 2026

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

May 18, 2026May 18, 2026

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

May 18, 2026

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

May 18, 2026

Stop acting your age. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.

May 18, 2026

When you get to a certain age, your body becomes so disrespectful.

May 18, 2026

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Apr 1, 2026

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

Apr 1, 2026

If every lesbian is into older women, who’s gonna like the younger ones?

Apr 1, 2026

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

Apr 1, 2026

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Apr 1, 2026

Your soul is out of balance because you have fallen out of touch with your consumer demographic. Pay more attention to your personalized ads, let them flow through you.

Apr 1, 2026

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Apr 1, 2026

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

Apr 1, 2026

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Apr 1, 2026

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Apr 1, 2026

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Apr 1, 2026

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Apr 1, 2026

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Apr 1, 2026

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Apr 1, 2026

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

Apr 1, 2026

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Apr 1, 2026

25 is the new 0 years old.

Apr 1, 2026

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Apr 1, 2026

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Apr 1, 2026