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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,374

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Spotted on Messenger:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Seen just now on WeChat:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Spotted on Snapchat:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Just landed via Telegram:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Trending via TikTok:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who said age comes with wrinkles? 🧓 Embrace your vintage charm and let that fine wine of wisdom shine! 🍷✨"

age, humor, life, old, perspective, self-deprecation, vintage, wisdom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

0

2 months ago

coping, day, facade, feelings, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, reality, scream, smile
Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

0

2 months ago

cheating, humor, me, neat, nobody, pretty, relationship, single, status
I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

0

2 months ago

actually, body, ever, friendship, help, hide, hope, humor, i, irony, need, people, vow
The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

0

3 weeks ago

after, aging, commute, drive, driving, extra, hate, home, house, hurry, i, late, making, older, stop, work
Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

0

2 months ago

activity, barbecue, cooking, fun, fun activity, humor, salad, women
Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

0

2 months ago

back, bed, days, exhaustion, humor, i, lazy, need, pretty, rest, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

69 shares on Slack this month:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

81 shares on Threads this month:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

85 shares on Slack this month:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Going viral on X:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Just shared via X:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Live now on Discord:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨