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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Going viral on Reddit:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Just shared via Messenger:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Trending via WeChat:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Spotted on Messenger:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Just shared via X:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Making waves on Facebook:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

4 weeks ago

Playful quote about embracing aging with humor and style.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who said age comes with wrinkles? 🧓 Embrace your vintage charm and let that fine wine of wisdom shine! 🍷✨"

age, humor, life, old, perspective, self-deprecation, vintage, wisdom

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81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

52 shares on X this month:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Just shared via Discord:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Freshly posted on X:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Seen just now on Slack:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Just shared via Messenger:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Making waves on Facebook:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Just landed via Facebook:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Going viral on Messenger:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Going viral on WeChat:

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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