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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Going viral on WeChat:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Just landed via Slack:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Just landed via Messenger:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Just shared via Reddit:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about self-confidence and humor in a playful, witty tone.

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Commentary:
"Who needs looks when you've got killer comedic timing! 💁‍♂️😂 Embracing that funny bone with style!"

charm, confidence, humor, i, laugh, personality, self-deprecation, ugly

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Twitch this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Weddings should have a worst man.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Going viral on Discord:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Trending via Snapchat:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Live now on Discord:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Spotted on TikTok:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Spotted on Telegram:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Just shared via Telegram:

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

Spotted on Reddit:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨