Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Live now on WeChat:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Just landed via Discord:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Going viral on Discord:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

3 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Who needs looks when you've got killer comedic timing! 💁‍♂️😂 Embracing that funny bone with style!"

charm, confidence, humor, i, laugh, personality, self-deprecation, ugly

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

2 months ago

again, email, humor, i, job, just, last, me, message, never, never find, ooo, OOO message, quit, quit job, resignation, setting, workplace
Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

1 day ago

audience, communication, cornfield, feels, humor, joke, jokes, loneliness, media, screaming, social, social media, tweeting
You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

2 months ago

able, again, daily, daily routine, frustration, hair, humor, i, mean, routine, should, wash, washing
Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

8 hours ago

alike, great, great mind, humor, irony, mind, minds, ones, stupid, stupid mind, think, think alike, unfortunately, wit
Only DM me if you like disappointment.

11 hours ago

disappointment, DM, humor, me, media, messaging, only, sarcasm, social, social media
What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

2 months ago

bear, close, even, food, food source, funny thought, grocery, grocery store, gummy, gummy bear, humor, hunt, i, know, little, live, source, store, stores, survival, thought, where

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

65 shares on Discord this month:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Trending via Discord:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Seen just now on X:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Going viral on Reddit:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Breaking via WeChat:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Just landed via Threads:

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.

Making waves on X:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Keep the laugh going 😂

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨