I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.