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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Trending via Telegram:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Shared recently on Discord:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Spotted on Discord:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Going viral on WeChat:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Trending via YouTube:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Just shared via Facebook:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

2 months ago

0

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, they do say never trust a cow especially when the sun can't swim! 🐄🌞 Mercury is finally back on track, so maybe now the cows can get their act together too. Don't let those sneaky cows fool you while Mercury is direct! 😉🔮

absurdity, cow, humor, longer, Mercury, never, retrograde, sun, swim, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

0

2 months ago

agree, back, cars, cooper, drivers, empty, empty stalls, flag, humor, looking, mini, Mini Cooper, need, parked, parking, put, stalls, stop, where
My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging sign, body, dog, dog years, feels, health, humor, joke, sign, year’s
You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

0

2 months ago

character, comparison, donkey, funny comparison, having, home, humor, just, kid, kids, know, movie, movie character, parenting, Shrek, talking
My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

0

2 months ago

favorite, humor, music, pirate, pun, song, tiger
Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

0

5 months ago

addicted, addiction, bad, bad posture, body, body health, comfort, comfortable, give, health, humor, posture, scoliosis, why, yourself
I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

0

2 months ago

budgeting, cost, decisions, financial, financial decisions, habits, humor, i, me, mind, money, much, never, regret, spending, spending habits, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Discord this month:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

43 shares on Slack this month:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,492

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I put the mess in domestic.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Trending via TikTok:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Trending via X:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Spotted on Telegram:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Going viral on Facebook:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

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