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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

34 Funny longer quotes

Funny longer quotes bring a burst of laughter and wisdom wrapped in wit 😄✨ Perfect for those moments when short jokes just won’t cut it! Whether you need a clever twist to brighten your day or a quirky thought to share, these gems keep the chuckles coming 🤣📚 Dive in and get ready to smile, giggle, and maybe even snort a little! 😂🚀

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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