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👧👦 "My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met. 🦖 Yep, forget about ghosts and goblins, the real horror show is bedtime with these pint-sized tyrants! 😂👻 #ParentingAdventures"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

1 month ago

ask, going, home, humor, invitation, leave, me, myself, situation, tell
They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

1 month ago

blues, humor, invention, January, live, motivation, seasonal, seasonal blues, should, winter
Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

1 month ago

attack, D, defend, end, insane, me, PhD, self-defense, tired, yourself
You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

3 months ago

bad, bad decision, day, decision, deprivation, exhaustion, hard, horrible, humor, late, late night, next, next day, night, procrastination, sleep, sleep deprivation, stay, stay up late, tiredness
My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

1 month ago

bea, embarrassing, family, fight, Germans, grandad, humor, last, Normandy, summer, war
Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

2 months ago

chores, cleaning, Earth, humor, kids, laundry, parenting, rocks, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

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A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

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My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

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All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

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I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

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Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

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God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

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Trending via Reddit:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Just shared via Threads:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Breaking via Instagram:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Just shared via Pinterest:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

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My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

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My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

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