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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Spreading quickly via X:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Freshly posted on X:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Going viral on YouTube:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Live now on Discord:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Just landed via Slack:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Breaking via YouTube:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Trending via Threads:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Spotted on TikTok:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

2 months ago

0

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your phone is hitting up all the hot spots while you're catching Zs! 🕺📱 Who knew charging cables were actually just party invitations? Time to join the fun or get a backup battery to keep up with your phone's wild nightlife adventures! 🔋🎉

battery, charged, excitement, exciting, guess, humor, i, nightlife, phone, sleeping, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

0

2 months ago

1, author, bestseller, book, every, humor, new, New York Times, publishing, times, writing, york
I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, humor, i, irony, kids, lifestyle, mom, no kids, parenting, stay-at-home, stay-at-home mom
Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

0

2 months ago

bitter, conflict, humor, irony, person, relationship, remember
Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, conversation, elephant, humor, metaphor, right, room, situation, us
Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

0

2 months ago

activity, band, concert, creativity, fun, fun activity, going, hand, humor, just, nervous, quirky, tomato
They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

0

5 months ago

anyone, appropriation, cultural, cultural appropriation, culture, dog, else, gender, gender reveal, got, humor, i, invited, joke, just, own, party, people, reveal, say, white, white culture

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

30 shares on X this month:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

35 shares on Slack this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

99 shares on Facebook this month:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,322

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Live now on Instagram:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Live now on YouTube:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Going viral on X:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Spotted on Instagram:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Live now on Snapchat:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Just landed via X:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Going viral on Facebook:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

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