My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Wishing all the contacts in my phone β€œMerry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.