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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.
  • All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.
  • Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.
  • My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.
  • You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”
  • Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”