Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

24 shares on Facebook this month:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

93 shares on Instagram this month:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.