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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Overthinkaholic!

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Trending via Instagram:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Just shared via TikTok:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Spotted on TikTok:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Spotted on Threads:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Just shared via Twitch:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Going viral on Slack:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Just landed via Twitch:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about trusting someone who eats nonstop but stays slim.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Never trust someone who can devour snacks like it's their job but remains as svelte as a celery stick. 🍟🥗 Either they've struck a deal with the metabolism gods 🌟 or they're secretly an undercover food magician. 🎩✨ Don't be fooled by their bottomless pit powers – they're onto something fishy! 🕵️‍♂️🍭"

diet, eat, food, humor, skinny, someone, still, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Discord this month:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I like when games that have no need for a jump button have a jump button.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

May the algorithms be with you.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Live now on Threads:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Seen just now on Slack:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Spreading quickly via X:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Breaking via Messenger:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Live now on Pinterest:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Spotted on TikTok:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

Just shared via Messenger:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Trending via Threads:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Spotted on Instagram:

There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

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